Going Big: What’s the Payoff?
Why Do We Play Small?
Moving from Playing Small to Going Big requires tremendous self-awareness, strategizing, stamina, and staying power. Hunkering down in our comfort zone and avoiding actions that make us feel uneasy or cause problems is much easier in many respects. It’s the main reason we stay in jobs we don’t like or relationships we no longer find fulfilling. It’s why many of us continue to be people-pleasers even though we feel disingenuous and resentful doing it. It’s what we know. It’s comfortable.
Playing Small also lets us play the victim, eliciting attention, sympathy, and support. I have seen this role played out over entire lifetimes, stunting personal development and harming the health of enablers who neglect their own needs.
What’s the Payoff?
Everything we do results in what I call a Payoff, both positive and negative. For example, if you tell your friend she tends to monopolize conversations and never asks about you, the positive payoff is that you’ve stood up for yourself and been honest. The negative payoff might be that she takes offense and ends the friendship. Unfortunately, our fear of confrontation and reprisal feeds our insecurities and low self-worth, which stops us from saying what we really think and being who we really are.
What Are Some Ways We Play Small?
- Adopting a victim mindset
- Repeating stories to ourselves and others about why we are failures
- Procrastinating on tasks that might result in rejection
- Avoiding new opportunities
- Refusing to BRAG (in a good way)
- Waiting to be asked to speak because we don’t think we have anything valuable to contribute
- People-pleasing and then feeling resentful about it
- Perpetuating a fixed mindset about the unfairness of life
Add Your Own Thoughts
If you’ve had a chance to reflect on your beliefs and behaviors as suggested in September’s newsletter, continue your exploration with the following prompts:
