Are You a Conversation Hog?
The other day, I asked a woman what she had done before she retired.
Presumably, a simple question. One that might take two or three minutes, max, to answer.
What ensued was a 36-minute monologue:
Barely a breath taken.
No pauses.
No questions.
No awareness that her audience had mentally checked out by minute five.
Now, this is not just a retiree issue. People of all ages, jobs, and backgrounds do this every single day.
And I’m fairly certain that if someone were bold enough to give this woman feedback about her soliloquy, she’d be shocked.
“I don’t do that!”
Oh, yes you do.
The clock doesn’t lie.
“Conversation hogging”—along with bad bragging and a whole host of other conversational crimes—has become one of our great social blind spots. And the people doing it are often completely oblivious.
Which is why I constantly remind my clients to KISS: Keep It Short, Speaker.
Actually, the acronym in my head—and occasionally used in emergencies—is STFU.
I’ll leave you to translate.
How Long Have You Been Talking?
Last week, my nephew Jacob introduced me to Time of Possession—a football statistic that measures how long one team controls the ball.
Now, I get that in football, having the ball longer can be a very good thing. In conversation? Not so much.
If one person has had the conversational ball for 80 percent of dinner, everyone else is basically sitting there waiting for the whistle to blow.
So, I’m thinking it’s time to bring a little Time of Possession discipline into our conversations.
What if we used a timer to prevent conversational hostage-taking?
The Rules Are Simple:
- Two-Minute Cap
Flip the timer. Start your story. Remember to KISS. - No Overtime
When the timer runs out, your time is up—unless someone explicitly asks for more. - Pass the Ball
Hand the conversation to someone else. Ask a question, solicit their thoughts, or pick up on something they said.
Of course, none of us thinks we’re the problem.
But the clock doesn’t lie.
Are you monopolizing more than your fair share of the conversational ball?
Download the “Are You a Conversation Hog?” Quiz to find out.
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